Loolyville, Part 3

Well ... the day seemed to start off so well (more about that later). No, we didn't attend the world-record setting bucket of chicken in downtown Louisville. Today was Louisville Zoo day. We recently noticed that Jefferson calls any statue "frozen." We saw a sculpture of some roller-skating kids at a mall and Jefferson said: "Hey dad. Look at those frozen kids." Here he is riding a frozen tortoise.









Here he is wrestling a frozen alligator.









Jefferson is attacked by Zombie-Mom (note: frozen).









This kindly creature was certainly friendly with all the kids waving and smiling at it. None of the kids seemed aware that it was likely calmly planning to come through the glass and rip arms and legs out of sockets. Happy day!












Today at the zoo Jefferson maintained two identities: his usual rakish self and that of a monkey. Monkey ...












... Jefferson ...












...???...












We stopped at the first Illinois rest area on the trip home today. A couple of things caught my eye. One, the doors of the stalls in the men's room only came about two-thirds the way up. So anyone walking by could totally check out your business. Word from Mom was the doors in the women's room went all the way up. The second thing was the Illinois State Parks brochure pictured below. "Oh, Ranger!" Huh? Is that "Oh, Ranger, you're incorrigible!"? Or is it "Oh, Ranger, you macho man, you!"? Weird, either way.









Now back to the near disaster. If you've spent any time around Jefferson, you are likely to have encountered P. P is one of Jefferson's baby blankets. When he was just starting to talk, he called his pacifier "Puh" and his blanket "P." P and Puh. Anyway, we packed up at the hotel and left for the zoo, not realizing that we had forgotten P. We called the hotel and, of course, they hadn't found P. We went back to the hotel to ask in person, they took our information and claimed they contact us. We figured P was gone for good. It's the last item from his baby stuff to which he maintains any attachment. And quite frankly, we're more attached to it than he is. We ate lunch, did a tiny bit of shopping and returned to the car to find a message on my phone. They'd found P. This was taken tonight, back at home with our creature comforts. P...












One last thing. Tonight at Walmart I told Jefferson he could pick a car. Every car he picked up was his favorite for 3 seconds, each one replaced by the new favorite. I directed him to the mystery car. I told him that what was inside was a great surprise. You won't know until you open it. I never thought he'd go for it. I couldn't have been more shocked when he did. He carried it around the store and couldn't wait to open it. It turned out to be a VW bug with checkerboard flames and a big #5 painted on the side. Honestly, it was quite lame. Later at Panera he'd given each of us a car. We were all talking about why we liked the car we had. I liked mine because of the color. Mom liked hers because of the metallic shiny paint. Jefferson said: "Dad, you know why I like mine?" Me: "Why, buddy?" Jefferson: "Because you picked it for me." I love that monkey boy.

Loolyville, Part 2

Across the street from the Slugger Museum is a place called Frazier International History Museum. Here's the thing ... for boys and dads, it sort of ROCKS. I even caught Mom digging the scene. Here's why: armor, swords, guns, bloody dioramas, more guns, and a whole load of pirate junk. On the Interstate, Jefferson saw a billboard with skeletons hanging from it and I'm not sure if he's ever been more sold on anything. We want to believe that he's making this face because the oppressive sun is blinding him. In our hearts we know it's just because he's goofy and was messing with us.












This museum is great for kids. The pirate exhibit was especially excellent. A cubby hole here (filled with knives).









A steering wheel there. He's saying: "Arggh, ye mateys!" And by "he's saying," I mean he's still saying it ... 9 hours later.









This was for making that face outside by the cannon. Also, on the way to the car, a guy in an Atlanta Braves hat noticed Jefferson's shirt and asked: "Where's the little cheese?" I couldn't figure out if he was asking me or Jefferson, so I said: "When he's around, we're all the little cheese." The only thing stranger than asking the question in the first place was how disappointed the guy seemed with my answer.









Speaking of shirts, I recently bought the Superman shirt pictured below. For those of you without a working knowledge of the DCU, it is a reference to John Byrne's post-Crisis reboot of the Superman origin. Anyway, in the summer I end up wearing a lot of superhero t-shirts because it's hot and I'm a geek. When I wear a Flash or Green Lantern shirt, I don't get a second look. But every single time I've worn the Superman shirt, I get at least a double-take and often a comment. I'd been telling the Mom about this and her response was something along the order of "ho-hum." But then we walked by a restaurant window yesterday and we could see a guy tap someone at his table and point at my shirt. Later last night, a Barnes and Noble employee who had stopped to ask if I was finding everything okay interrupted himself to say: "Cool shirt, man." Confusing... sorry for the digression.












This is a gun shield. Oh, buddy. What a simple, completely awesome idea.









We finished the day playing Marco Polo and trying to sleep under the flightpath of the Louisville airport. Jefferson is "it"...

Loolyville, Part 1

On the way back from Virginia last March, we stopped in in Louisville for about 48 minutes to eat and pee. The only time I'd been there before was to go to the Louisville Slugger factory, on another trip where I was just passing through. But based on those two short visits, I learned two things:
1. Louisville is loaded with places 3-year-old boys would like.
2. Louisville has Skyline Chili.

That (and enough Drury and Marriott points to score two free hotel rooms) was enough for us. Off to Louisville (note: very early in the trip Jefferson started calling it Loolyville)! Before we left town Jefferson got a Tag reading system. It came with The Cat in the Hat. You aim that pen at things on the page and magic happens. As you can see, it requires concentration.












Early Monday morning we headed for the Louisville Slugger Museum/Factory. Well, it wasn't early enough, because we had to park on the roof of the parking deck.












The museum will let you hold a game used bat, provided you wear disgusting germ-ridden gloves. Last time I held Mickey Mantle's bat. This bat was used by Johnny Bench ... of The Baseball Bunch. Duh! Note: Jefferson + filthy gloves = bliss.












Look, the head on this dummy looked more like My Cousin Vinny than Teddy Ballgame. This photo is titled: "The Two Yutes."









We asked them to make a bat with Jefferson's name on it, but when we picked it up it said "Opie Taylor."












The view from the ground.












This was a tense moment in the tee ball cage in which Jefferson and Mom reenacted the Cardinals/Reds melee from a last week, with Jefferson playing the role of Brandon Phillips and Mom playing Yadier Molina. Jefferson had earlier told the media that Mom was a stinkerbug. Mom took issue. I fined them both and we ate lunch in silence.












We finished our tour of the Slugger Museum with Jefferson auditioning to be one of those goofy kids modeling clothes in the JC Penney catalog. Weird, right?









Arrgh, ye mateys! (stay tuned for part 2)

Carnies, carnies everywhere.

We made it to the Ozark Empire Fair again this year. We took about three photos before the batteries died in the camera. But it's 2010, you say. Someone at the fair will be selling AA batteries. Stop being a know-it-all jerk, I say. You could buy 9-volt (?) or D batteries (?!), but not AA. We bought a crummy disposable camera. I actually ended up liking the grainy quality of the photos. It matches the grainy quality of the fair. Despite the oppressive heat (behold my pit-stains!), the day was full of thrills and chills.













Jefferson is a creature of habit. Just like his old man. He wanted to do the things he did last year. Like eat ice cream,










scoop ducks,










peek through Spongebob's window,










and ride this bee.










With a pioneer spirit and love of adventure, he embarked on a few new experiences. A roller coaster...










Note the girl in front of Jefferson. Chillin'.










I think they've had this crappy motorcycle thing since I was a kid. He really did have a look of buyer's remorse on his face by the second revolution. Yes, boy. That's all it does. It was an enormous let down after the crococoaster.













Sometimes Lewis needs Clark, so I accompanied him on the slide. I regretted the instant we started climbing the steps. It was terrifying for a number of reasons. First, any carnival ride is scary when you consider how hastily constructed it must of been. This thing was used at the Bellevue Peach Festival and Barn Dance or something last week. Then they took it down, loaded it on a truck and put it back up here. Nobody called Bob Vila, you know what I mean? Second, we became incrementally more airborne after each drop. Finally, look at that kid in the middle lane. While Jefferson and I were getting situated, he climbed the steps and went down the slide. Fine. Except, look at his left hand. He started to stand up in our lane and I was convinced that we were going to kill him. There was no way for us to stop, so I just closed my eyes and assumed that everything would be fine. It was.













Until next year...